Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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