Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
