I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
