i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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