We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
