I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Randomize
