Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can text with my tongue
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
