I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
