i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
