Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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