omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
as a side note pls kill me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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