Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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