I looked at my own cervix.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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