Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
