I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
