He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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