I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
