just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
