I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
