first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
