do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
