the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
