just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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