I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
