Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
