Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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