I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
