Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
