do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
