Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
