I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
