apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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