Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
