Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
