Screwed.edu
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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