..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
