turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
