You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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