PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
