I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
