Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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