$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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