A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
