I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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