Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
