Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
