You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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