Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
