Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
