At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
