whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have aggressive nipples.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
